CASTLE IN THE SKY/Transcript
Note: this is a work in progress. Transcript Mark: Hello everybody, and welcome to - Bob: [inaudible interruption] Mark: SHUT UP! [Wade and Bob laugh.] Bob: Are you- are you doing the intro? Mark: Yes! Welcome back to- Wade: Hello everybody, this is Wade here.. Mark: Shut up! Bob: Hello everybody, this is muyskerm. Mark: Welcome back to Drunk Minecraft- [to Bob and Wade] I will... Wade: [chuckles] Mark: Okay- Wade: Alright, Mark, finish it off man. We got it started for ya. Mark: I did, I- Bob: [walks up to Mark in-game] [imitates Mark's outro] Buh-bye! [Mark and Wade chuckle] Bob: Oh wait, no.. Wade: That doesn't sound right. Mark: Fuck you guys... Bob: [laughs] Mark: Up the anus... Bob: Alright, no, do it, do it, I won't say a word. Mark: No, i-i-it's done. Fuck it, it's done. That's it, that's the intro! [Bob and Wade start cracking up.] Mark: That's the intro... Wade: [repeats Mark while laughing] That's the intro... [All three laugh.] Mark: Okay, so, anyway, [looks over a large crater in the ground] you see this swath of devastation here? That's where- Bob: Oh, geez! Mark: the ending of the last episode left off... [Wade and Bob chuckle] Bob: I still can't believe that happened. Mark: [as he drinks] Oh it's- it was cool. Bob: Look at that mountain, there's like one... Wade: Hey, could we- Zombie, could we get that bread, 'cause I am dying [laughs] I think- Mark: [sips drink] Yeah. Wade: or do we got God Mode on? Mark: [open inventory and sees most of it filled with full stacks of glass] Oh, wow, I got glass out the ass, like everything is glass. Bob: Ass glass? Wade: I've got nothin'. Mark: Yes, Bob, ass glass. Wade: I mean, I've got diamond tools and diamond armor, but... Mark: [puts some glass in toolbar slots] There we go, I've- Bob [to Wade]: Well, you don't have shit then. Mark: [Zombie puts bread in Mark's toolbar] I got bread, did you guys get bread? Bob: No. Wade: No, not yet [inaudible] Mark: Well, fuck you guys then, ha ha ha. Okay, so, we're gonna actually do an objective here [searches for objective list on his desk], which is an underwater house. And I think it's... Wade: [receives bread from Zombie] Thank you so much, Zombie. Mark: I think that's what we decided on, right? Right? Wade: Yeah. Mark: Right? Okay. Hang on, first I'm gonna get this iron and cobblestone 'cause we need to get furnaces for, um... What do we need furnaces for? Wade: I don't know- Bob: We have a bunch of glass. Wade: Glass, to make glass. Mark: Oh, yeah, um... Wade: Hold on... NO! Mark: Buckets! Bucket, buckets, buckets, buckets... Wade: I can't hear you! Mark: [jumps into crater and moves through] Buck- what? Wade: I don't care... Mark: Wade, are you talking to someone? Bob: Yeah. Wade: Yeah, my brother's yellin' at me. Mark: [chuckles] This's professional! Minecrafting! Wade: Well- [groans] Mark: [starts mining iron] You [sputters]... Tell him to... Bob: What does a sponge do? I have a sponge... Mark: I have a sponge too, I don't know what a sponge does. Bob: I'm gonna soak up the ocean! Wade: This is professional... Mark: Does it work like that? Bob: I would assume, why the hell else would we have a sponge? Mark: I don't know, I don't even know where you get sponge. Bob: Suck it, ocean! Mark: [parkours to another iron deposit] I'm just getting the iron so that we can - [sees player squidy13 spamming the in-game chat] [starts mining the iron] Ah, squidy's spammin'. Squidy's spammin'! Wade: Who's- dude, someone's tryin' to teleport to me. Mark: Why? Wade: I don't know, I didn't see who it was. Mark: [sputters] Tell 'em to fuck off. Wade: [reads Longcat1996, the name of the player who attempted to port to him] longcat96? [Mark continues to mine iron.] Wade: [reads Zombie's message in the chat] "Deny teleports". Oh, you got it, bud. [All three start talking at the same time.] Bob: [inaudible] Mark: I finally got- Bob: I'm probably gonna catch a lot of heat from this, but where the hell are you guys? Mark: [mining iron] We're in the cavern, getting some iron. Wade: I'm in a pit! [pauses] I'm getting coal and iron. Mark: [mining stone out of his way] Well, could we get some- Bob: IR'N? Mark: ...buckets? [pauses] IR'N? Wade: I've got 27 iron, bud! Bob: That's probably enough. Wade: NO! Mark: He's not your bud, pal... Bob: Wow, I totally, like, went a little gay there for a second. Wade: [laughs] Mark: [confused] What? Bob: Just- Did you not hear that? I was all "That's probably enough". Mark: [silently laughs] No, we didn't pick up on that at all! Bob: Oh. It comes out sometimes. Wade: [imitates stereotypical gay voice] That is super serial everybody. Mark: What? Bob: Oh, well that's offensive. [Mark and Bob move up a hill in-game.] [After a pause, all three start talking at the same time, reacting to Wade's gay imitation.] Mark: [laughs] Yes, THAT'S offensive. Bob: 'Cause gay people [inaudible] say that... Wade: [inaudible] Come on, you got, you got- do the Butters. Bob: [chuckles] What? Wade: Do the Butters! Bob: What do you mean, "do the Butters?" Wade: [laughs and sputters] Mark: Do it! Wade: You know exactly what I mean! Mark: You know what we're talkin' about! Wade: There's only one way to do the Butters! Bob: You guys are forcing my hand here, I was gonna save it for something awesome. Wade: We've already heard it once! Mark: [refers to audience] THEY haven't! Bob: [refers to audience] They probably haven't heard of it! Wade: During the intro! Mark: [tries to craft a furnace, but sees the four-square crafting slot in his inventory does not have enough space.] I need a table! Bob: You know what I could do, I could do the, uh... Mark: ZOMBIE! Wade: [chuckles] Mark: Zombie, I need a table! Bob: [laughs] Wade: Mark, you're so demanding, I doubt Zombie's going to give you anything! Mark: Zombie, right now! [points to toolbar] A crafting table... ZOMBIE! [Bob and Wade laugh.] Wade: Where are you guys at? Bob: Standing on top of the mountain, doing nothing. Mark: [receives crafting table and buckets from Zombie] Thank you, Zombie. [sees buckets in inventory and places down crafting table] Hey, he gave me buckets, so I don't need it anymore... [crafts furnace] Bob: I'm gonna finish my house that you assholes tried to blow up. Mark: Can I, Zombie - Wade: I didn't - hold, hold the phone, I didn't blow up anything! Bob: You're still an asshole. Wade: Okay, I can't argue with that, but I didn't start blowing anything up. Mark: [crafts three furnaces and places them next to the crafting table] Zombie, can I have TNT so I can blow up his house again? Bob: Ooh- I don't wanna go down there. Wade: Yes, you do - Mark: Zombie, I need TNT to blow up his house [receives TNT] thank you very much... Wade: No, Zombie, do not let him blow up the house again! Mark: And flint and steel, I need a flint and steel! Flint and steel, I need flint and steel, please, yes, thank you. Wade: We need to build a glass house, not blow up old houses! Mark: Please, thank you, that'd be flint and st- [receives flint and steel] yes, thank you, thank you so much! Bob: Mark, where are you? Wade: Can we please just start on the new house? Mark: [to Bob] I'm looking for YOU... Bob: [standing several meters in-game in front of Mark] I'm right here! Mark: [runs to Bob] Oh, okay, where's the house? Bob: I- it doesn't exist! Mark: Oh! Wade: [laughs] Bob: [shows Mark remains of his house that was destroyed by Mark in the previous episode] This is it. Mark: Oh, this is it? This is awfully sad... Bob: You killed it, so I'm gonna kill myself. [falls of cliff in-game] Mark: Okay. Wade: I've got tons of coal, could we go do stuff with sand? Mark: Bye-bye. Bob: and aims to water as it stops fall with no damage, but misses and hits just a block away from the water and dies from fall damage Oh fuck, I actually killed myself. and Bob crack up. Mark: placing TNT around the remains of Bob's house And I'm gonna blow up everything - while placing TNT Fuck, and I fell. Bob: Well, I'm sorry Zombie - Wade: Well I just found diamond at the bottom. Bob: I got really excited and I... killed myself a little bit. Mark: more TNT at where he landed and ignites it You went off a little early 'cause you got so excited, is that what happened? Wade: Mark has that problem at lot. Mark: toward a large chunk of TNT that did not explode at the end of the previous episode Shut up, no I don't. I do not. Wade: He totally does. Mark: I do not. Bob: I currently cannot get out the water I am trapped in. That's good. Wade: Mark has a condition, everyone should subscribe to feel sorry for his condition. Mark: flabbergasted Wha- what are you talkin' about? Everyone subscribes 'cause I'm so awe- Wade: Mark, there's nothing wrong with prematureness. Mark: They subscribe 'cause I'm so awesome. You don't even know. Wade: Okay, no one subscribes 'cause you're awesome, they subscribe 'cause you scream like a girl, and because they feel sorry for you. Mark: Okay, that actually, that seems more accurate. Wade: laughs Mark: That - that pretty much explains everything I have ever done. Wade: Everyone knows Lord Minion is the awesome one. Mark: Everyone knows Lord Minion sucks ten cocks in a row. Wade: I'm talented, not that - Bob: In a row?! Mark: suddenly turns dark Ah! It's dark - it's dark, what's goin' on?! out Wade: It's probably nighttime. Mark: No, I fell in, I got in, like in a hole... moving toward TNT again I'm tryin' towards - here we go. turns dark again What the f-? I keep fallin' in out Wade: I have, like, 47 iron, and like, 80 coal. Mark: back a couple of blocks Okay, for some reason, I can't get towards this TNT to get glitched back to same spot chuckles Something's blocking me from the TNT! Wade: Zombie, block him from the TNT! Mark: dirt out of the way I'm tryin' to get to the TNT! Wade: He does not need to get to the TNT. Bob: I thought we were gonna build a glass house! Mark: Fuck the glass house! Wade: I thought we were gonna build a glass house, too, I've been stocking up to build this glass house and Mark's just tryin' to to destroy everybody. Mark: Well, Bob killed himself, so he lost his glass. into darkness again Ah, come on! out Alright, fine, fuck it. up on reaching the TNT and heads toward the other two Wade: If we can go someplace with sand, I've got plenty of coal to make that. Mark: Alright, fine, I'm getting away... Bob: I've got a bunch of glass. Mark: goofy face inaudible Wade: Hey's let's go back to that jungle biome, where we were right on the water, with sand. Mark: No, fuck that. There's water right over there. to leave the crater Right over there, come, like - Wade: I'm in a giant pit! I can't see anything - Mark: Get out of there! Come over here. Wade: Fine, I'm right behind you, where are - where? Mark: Come with me, come with me... come with me! Wade: defeated I see it... Mark: It's like an enormous ocean of - more beer. drink Wade: Dude, that sounds awesome, an enormous ocean of more beer. Mark drink Aah! a zombie next to him Hello, zombie. Ah... Wade: Speaking of which, I'm gonna need to finish this drink soon. Mark: Finish it! creeper explodes near Mark, but deals no damage. Wade: I don't - I guess I've got no reason not to. Mark: Okay, so we got our giant ocean here, and we got glass, so let's do something about that. inventory and switches out a few items in toolbar with some of the glass he has\ Bob: Ooh, I don't have any food, do you guys have food? Mark: to the ocean Yeah, I do, but I'm not gonna give you any of it. Wade: I've got, like, 60 bread. Bob: Wade Can I have, like, two of those? Wade: Yeah, where are you? Bob: Killing a zombie by Mark. Mark: Wha - huh? Wade: Alright - ah, creeper! Mark: a sponge in the ocean next to the dirt, the sponge soaks up the surrounding water Oh, the sponge does soak it up! Bob: Wade Oh, that's not Mark, that's you. Mark: That's awesome. Wade: Bob Where you at, man? Bob: Behind you. voice Right behind you. Mark: The sponge is useful! Wade: Bob I just threw some on the ground. Mark: Guys, this sponge is, like, awesome! Wade: Mark Spo- what the hell? What are you doing? Mark: more sponges in the water, soaking it up Look, just place a sponge! Like, I never knew this before. Wade: Place a sponge? Bob: Place it? Wade: Where do we get sponges? Mark: I got sponges. Bob: How do you place it? Mark: You just right-click, you douche-nozzle! Wade: Then what? Mark: Then it soaks - ! Bob: Oh, shi- oh, shit! Wade: I placed the sponge! Now what do I do, break it? Mark: annoyed It's like - what are we gonna do with you guys on here? Bob: No, Wade, come here, look, watch this. as he places sponge down Wow. Mark: confused What? Wade: Oh, dude, we're soakin' up water. Mark: Exactlyyy... Bob: Alright, I'm gonna start the foundation of the glass house. And, uh... Wade: Zombie, I didn't know this existed. Thank you. Mark: I didn't either! Bob: Mark's gonna make - Mark: Bob Wha - fuck you! Bob: What? Mark: mocking Huh? Bob: I didn't say anything. Mark: Wha? Huh? Okay. Bob: Huh? Wha? Mark: Huh? Mark and Bob: Wha? Mark: Shut up... the foundation of the glass house Bob is working on I can uninvite you to this Drunk Minecraft. Bob: Oh, fuck. It got really dark, and I'm apparently - Wade: Mark You can uninvite us, but you can't un-drunk us! Mark: scoffs Very true, Wade. This is a factual statement that you just said. Wade: Ah dude, I'm full of facts! Oh, you albino spider piece of crap! Mark: Zombie, could we get torches? Torches? Wade: We need some wood. Bob: We're the laziest Minecrafters ever. Mark: Bob Shut up, we're... efficient. Bob: Zombie, can you find me a job? Mark: Pff, you have a job! nearby creeper explosion Ah! What... Bob: Yeah, but it's a John Grisham novel. It's very exhausting. Mark: You didn't even tell the audience... glass with torches in toolbar what that is all about. Bob: audience Well... I work in a law firm, and, uh... Wade: Wait, what happened to the school? Bob: Wade Hey, shut the fuck up! Mark: Wait, what, law firm? What? Wade: inaudible law firm... Bob: I was making it awesome! Mark: It was awesome before! Bob: Aah, workin' at a school's not awesome... Mark: Kind of is - down to collect torches in the sponged area of the shore ah, there's torches everywhere, by the way. This doesn't seem physically possible, but - Bob: laughs Wade: Could be a professional women's mud-wrestling tournament referee like me. Bob: Mark! Mark: audience Yeah, Wade - Wade is... It's pretty awesome. He doesn't even let me get in for free, but it's okay though. Wade: laughs You're in next time. Mark: Wade Yeah, no, you always say - you always say next time, but I'm never in, aren't I? Wade: Well, if I always say next time, then you'll always keep coming back for more. Bob: inaudible Mark: game How far down are you goin'? Bob: I don't know, let's go all the way down, fuck it. Mark: Yeah. Wade: 'You two doin'? Mark: What? Bob: Wha, what? Wade: Sounds like you two are havin' a time. Bob: Goin' all the way down, what does it sound like we're doin'? Wade: Sounds like you're fine without me. Mark: confused Huh? Bob: Huh? Mark: Whuh? What? pauses What? Bob: Oh, no! No! The water came back! Wade: laughs Mark: Yes, it's doin' that. Bob: We should probably start building things... Mark: Uh, yeah, um... Bob: Or we're gonna drown in a really weird way. Mark: bibble Uh, glass house, yeah, okay, um... bibble placing glass in front of the soaked up water perimeter Fuck it. Just... groan Bob: laughing What are you doing? Mark: Shut up, I'm... I hate glass, I did this once, and it was terrible. I had to, eh- I swear, and I swore I'd never do it again, so I don't know why we're doin' it again... Wade: I dunno, I've built three furnaces, I'm gonna start making glass. Mark: on wall We already have glass! Wade: When did we get glass?! Mark: We have an umpteen million glass! Wade: Well, we're gettin' more. Mark: Why... ? Wade: 'Cause no one told me we had glass. Mark: We have glass... Wade: If you did, I was too drunk to listen. Mark: Well, you're not that drunk. Bob: Mark You're not that drunk. Mark: I'm not, I'm- Wade: No one's got that drunk. Bob and Mark continue on the walls, water pours in over Bob's head. Bob: Oh, shit, there's water in here! Mark: What da fuck did you do, Bob?! Bob: I didn't do anything! Mark: BOB! Bob, you son of a bitch! Bob: sponges to soak up invading water Wait, let's put sponges. Wade: I don't know- where's my sand?! Mark: Wade Huh? Bob: laughs Wade: I've got no sand and tons of everything else... Bob: Oh, fuck! Mark, we need a roof really bad! Mark: on wall Shut up, I'm getting there... Aah! Wade: Could somebody give me some glass? Mark: No... Bob: No! Wade: Zombie, could I get some glass, please? Mark: NO! Bob: chuckles Wade: Zombie, don't listen to Mark, he's- he's too drunk. Mark: N- No, I'm not drunk at all... Wade: He's really making bad decisions right now, Zombie. Mark: Zombie, don't do it, I will leave your server, I will tell everyone that I hate it! Wade: No, he won't! Mark: I wi- I totally will! Wade: He loves you too much, he won't find anyone else that will cater to his retardedness. Mark: Pff! Now that's just insulting! Wade: Yes, I know, I feel bad for the retarded community for having compared you to them! Mark: and laughs That's painful! Bob, defend me! Wade: laughs Bob: of what to say Uh, it's not fun... to make fun of... special needs people. Wade: I'm making fun of Mark, that's fine- Bob: No, that's not nice. Mark: Fuck you, Bob. Bob: He can't even stand up for himself. Mark: on roof of underwater glass house I don't need any of your sass! I have a YouTube channel, with- Bob: I have a YouTube channel... Mark: Thousands, thousands of subscribers... Wade: You just lost, like, thousands of subscribers... Mark: I have thousands of subscribers. Wade: And they're all leaving by the dozens as of right now. Mark: Why? Why would they? Bob: Are we gonna be trapped in here permanently, is that how this is working? Mark: [finishing roof] Yes, yes, because... I... hate you... Bob [replaces sponges and torches in toolbar with TNT and flint and steel respectively], and guess what? [places TNT everywhere] We're about to DIE! [ignites TNT] Bob: [laughing] Oh, goddammit! Mark: WE'RE ABOUT TO DIE! [places more TNT] [Wade and Bob laugh] Mark: [TNT blows up glass house] GAAAH! Bob: Nope, only you, dick! Mark: [survived explosion] No, I have God Mode apparently! [sees no one was killed in the explosion] Do you have God Mode, too?! Bob: No, I took one heart of damage! Mark: What da hell is that?! Wade: Bob, tell me you have God Mode on, please. Mark: That's fucking fucktabulous. Wade: Woah, where am I? Why am I down here with you assholes?! Mark: 'Cause we blew everything up. [all three start moving up out of the water] Okay, fuck the underwater cas- underwater house, I hate the idea of an underwater house, that's just stupid! Bob: Oh, shit, there's water! Mark: [sarcastic] Yeah, no kidding, Bob... Bob: Well, there wasn't a second ago. Mark: There's water now, Bob. Okay. Bob: I'm really confused by the layout of this water. Mark: Get ought- get oughtta the water, it's stupid. Bob: I can't! Mark: Get out... Bob: I'm trapped in a weird... thing. Mark: [groans] Wade: Sounds like a personal problem. Mark: Yeah, it does, doesn't it? Bob: [reaches sea level] Alright, I'm out. Mark: You're not. Bob: I'm really confused by the physics of this water. Mark: The sponge's messing up with the physics, man. Bob: That's not how sponges work, and that's not how water works! Mark: Shut up, Bob, you're in Minecraft, things don't make sense here... Bob: That's not the point of Minecraft- Mark: [looks at objectives list] Okay, anyway, cross underwater house off the list. Wade: We didn't- ! Bob: [laughs loudly] Wade: That was the worst underwater house of all time! Mark: I won that! Bob: You know what, it still technically counts! Wade: Kanye West just popped up and said, "of all time!' Mark: I- I won- I won the underwater house... just sayin' that right now... name down Wade: No! No way in hell! Bob: Fine by- Mark: My name's by it! My name's by the list right there! I won it! Wade: Okay- Bob: What's next? Mark: [reading] "Who can build the gayest house? Wade: Mark, [inaudible] Bob: Alright, Zombie, give us some gay stuff. Wade: [sputters and laughs] What? Bob: You know, gay stuff. Wade: Strap-ons and whatnot, you know... Mark: You want me to just claim that as a victory, 'cause I can... "Who could be the gayest house? Oop, won that!" [starts raining pink and purple wool blocks, which Bob and Wade subsequently collect] We- and we didn't even play, oh yeah! That's me- [sees squiddy13 typed "The YouTube channel" in the game chat] Huh? "The YouTube channel"? Bob: [collecting wool] Hey look, there's some gay stuff. Mark: What? YouTube? Wade: Now hold on, why does pink and purple automatically mean gay? Mark: Uh, I don't know. Bob: Yeah, I like purple. Mark: [opens inventory and hovers mouse arrow over pink wool] No, this is magenta, not purple. [corrects himself] Oh, that's purple, that's magenta. Wade: Oh, shut the hell up. Mark: This is magenta. Bob: Mark WINS! Mark: I win! Okay, so, anyway... [starts stacking magenta wool on Wade's wool castle foundation] Giant... [burps] 'Scuse me... [finishes with purple wool after magenta ran out] Ah, there we go. [views it from ground] Ah, it's good! And it's done! [Bob and Wade laugh] Mark: [starts covering it in TNT] Time to blow it up! Time to blow it up! [ignites] There we go! Bob: Ah, son of a bitch! Mark: [laughs] Bob: Aaaah! [Wade laughs and Mark snickers as the TNT explodes] Wade: Oh no, all my iron! Mark: Fuck your iron, no one gives a shit. Wade: Fuck you... Mark: You got the iron, I saw you pick it up. Wade: I'm tryin'... Mark: Okay, that's off the list- [crosses off "gay castle" objective off list] Okay, crossed off, okay, castle- Wade: [laughing] When was it a house?! Mark: Next, is "castle in the sky"... Build a castle in the sky. Bob: I'm already working on it. Wade: [burps] [Mark heads over to Bob's wool castle foundation.] Bob: It doesn't look like a castle yet, but just wait and see. Mark: [starts digging a moat with diamond shovel] It's not even in the sky... Bob: Yeah, I'm working on that, too, I was just gonna dig it out. Mark: I'm digging it out for you! Bob: It doesn't say that it has to be high in the sky. Mark: True that, this is very true. [digs out dirt underneath castle] Bob: It doesn't have to be in the sky, technically. Mark: [to audience] You people need to be more explicit with your suggestions, those who are watching this in the future. Bob: Also, this is gonna be the gayest castle in the sky, so... [puts glass blocks on second block layer] Mark: Really? Bob: ...Bonus points. Wade: [sighs] Mark: [looks over at Wade, who is making something off a stone pillar on the other side of the small crater] Wade, what are you doing? Wade: Shut up. Bob: [sarcastic and suggestive] What does it sound like he's doing, eh? Eh? Mark: [heads over to Wade as he puts a blue wool block layer around the top of the stone column] Wade, what is that? Wade, what is this? Wade: [inaudible] you. Mark: Wade, what- what is this? What- what is this? [reaches down to do something] What is it supposed to be? Wade: [finishes layer with magenta and purple wool blocks] My love confession. Mark: To who...? Wade: You. Mark: [places TNT and ignites] Well, here's what I think of your love confession. Wade: [laughing] Oh, shit! Mark: Goodbye! Bob: Hey, I bet Mark got his dynamite out and blew some stuff up. Mark: [realizes what Wade was doing after seeing the wool blocks floating unscathed from TNT] Ohhh! Castle in the sky! [shouts as Wade builds a pink wool tower on the castle base, looks over at Bob's castle, which was continued with a yellow wool layer above the glass and red wool above that] Wade's got a castle in the sky! Wade: Yeah! Mark: Look at it! Bob: Oh, son of a bitch! Mark: Look! Wade: [laughing] Bob: My- mine's in the sky! I even - [rest is somewhat inaudible under Mark's shouting] Wade: Oh, shut up. [rest is somewhat inaudible under Mark's shouting] Mark: No! No, fuck your castle, look at that! Oh my God! Da- I'm putting your name down, Wade- Bob: Mark, you are such a dick! [Wade continues to construct his sky castle with cobblestone walls.] Mark: "Wade won- Wade won the castle in the sky." Wade: [chuckles] Mark: ...With help from me. Wade: [laughing] I've got a big pink penis floating above it all! [referring to single pink tower in a corner of the castle] Mark: I'm- I- I put my name down by yours, Wade, 'cause I helped. [Thunder in distance.] Wade: [still laughing] Oh, bullshit! [Mark starts laughing] Alright, I don't care... Mark: Okay, next... we're done with the castle in the sky! Castle in the sky is done! Next is "cactus maze"! Bob: How the fuck do you get cactuses? Mark: ZOMBIE! [More thunder in distance] Wade: Desert! Mark: Cactuses! Bob: Cocktuses? Mark: Cactuses, cocktuses... Wade: Cocktuses! Mark: Zombie... Bob: BUTTERS Uh, what's a cocktus? Wade: [laughs] Mark: Huhh, goddammit! Wade: Ohh! Bob: [laughs] Mark: [kills spider] Zombie, please take away all of our glass and replace it with cactus. Wade: I've only got two glass! Mark: [sees sand starting to fill up the crater and replace surrounding blocks] Ah! Sand! It's appearing out of nowhere! Wade: What the hell? Mark: Are ya guys seein' this shit?! Wade: Yes! [Zombie starts raining cactus blocks and everyone runs around collecting it.] Mark: Hey! Bob: It's raining- Wade: Cactus! Mark: [laughs] Wade: Cactus! Mark: [laughs] Bob: It's raining everything. Wade: Cactus! Mark: I like it... I like it a l- Okay, we need to build a maze. A - uh- I need more beer. [drinks] Bob: I'm gonna build a maze in the style of Mark. Wade: Hold on, let's make the entrance to the maze over here by this gay house. Mark: Gay house, gay castle in the sky? Bob: It's a gay castle in the sky! Wade: No, this one! This one! [referring to Bob's castle] Bob: Oh. Mark: This o- oh! He's talking about yours, Bob. [pause] Okay, so- Wade: Hang on, do we want two blocks wide, for the... ? Mark: I can't place it on anything but sand, I forgot. Wade: Oh. Mark: Cactus has to be placed on sand. Wade: I can't place more than one Mark: [sees Bob starting the maze, but with a block of space between cacti] Bob, this is terrible... but I'm not gonna destroy it. Wade: I can't place cactus... right next to itself. Mark: What? Oh, yeah, that's right. Well, that's why a maze! Wade: [puts a cactus down, again two blocks away from the cactus next to it] It's the worst maze ever! [cracking up] Mark: Whoever came up with this [sputters] with this idea obviously didn't understand Minecraft, so... whatever, whatever. [starts stacking cacti one by two] Wade: [chuckles] Mark: Whatever! Wade: [laughing] This is the worst maze ever! Mark: This is- this is honestly pretty terrible, I-I-I will not deny. [pause] Blow it up! [places TNT around maze] Blow it up! Wade: [chuckles] Mark: ignites Blow it up! Blow it up, blow it up, blow it up- Wade: Oh, crap! Mark: ...Blow it up, blow it up, blow it up, blow it up! [heads over to Bob's maze as TNT explodes and places TNT on Bob's maze] Blow this up, too! All this goes blow up! Bob: Hey, mine was a maze, technically! Mark: [ignites TNT] It was not! It was not! Bob: Well, I'm gonna die, then! Mark: Now it's a crater. [TNT explodes, leaving a huge crater connecting to the other crater.] Wade: Aah! Mark: Good job. [sees Bob propelled by TNT and stops in midair] Wow, you- [Bob falls] Okay. [walks over to crater to see Bob dead with his belongings in one pile] [chuckling] You broke your fall with your own face, look at all that stuff on the ground. [pauses] Okay, I won that one. [reaches for objective list] Okay? I won that on- Wade: How the hell did you- [unknowingly picks up over half of Bob's belongings] Oh, I just picked up all of Bob's stuff. Bob: Dick. Mark: [in background] IIIIII won. III won that one. Wade: I did not mean too. Mark: Okay! Now some crap with redstone! Bob: Um... redstone? Wade: Um, I-I don't have any redstone? Where's Bob at? Here, Bob, I'm gonna throw stuff down this hole for ya. Mark: [looks up from list] Huh? What? What- some crap with redstone, hang on. [thunder] [Silence for a few seconds, which Mark reacts with a dramatic face] Mark: You guys there? Wade: Yeah? Mark: [relieved] Okay, I was just- Bob: No. Mark: Okay. [looks behind to see a pile of redstone and redstone dust already laid in a three-by-three square with the farthest corner missing] Ah, there's redstone! [heads over and collects redstone] We got redstone here. [pauses while collecting redstone, sticky pistons start raining] Okay, [inaudible]. Wade: I don't know what else you had... Mark: [switches things in toolbar with redstone dust.] [after long pause] Ah, okay- Bob: I don't really need cactuses and string. Mark: Okay, so- Wade: [laughs] [inaudible, something like "I don't know why, it's a habit." or I don't know why there's a rabbit." Please rewatch this scene at 20:51 to make sense of it.] Mark: [notices sticky pistons] Hey look, it's sticky pistons! It's sticky pistons... yeah.. Wade: Oh, sweet, what are we going...? Mark: We're building some crap with redstone! And we need, I don't know, switches or something... Bob: We should do something funny with redstone and dynamite. Wade: I'm gonna drink while you guys do something funny with redstone and dynamite. Mark: I got an idea, hang on, I got an idea... Wade: [sarcastically] Well, that's a first. Mark: This is gonna be kinda complicated. Wade: [reading chat] "Don't touch my doggie"...? Mark: [to Zombiemold] I need- I need cobblestone! [begins clearing out inventory of unneeded material] No, I need pink wool! I need pink wool! I need pink wool real bad... Wade: I got magenta wool. Mark: I need- I need lot- thank you. [picks up Wade's magenta wool, which there are only seven of] I need more, I need more! I need more pink wool. Bob: I-I don't have any. I have one purple and blue wool. Mark: [jumping in place mid-game] I need more. I need more. I need more. I need more. [sees pink wool raining by the stack] There we go! Ah, this is actually pink wool. [quieter] I love you. Yeah. [normal pitch] You guys do you thing, I'm gonna do my thing, [switches to pickaxe and heads toward nearby hills] and we'll see who- I need more sticky pistons! Uh, [checks inventory] yes, I need- hang on. [pauses] What's the- ? Wade: Here, Mark- Mark: WHat? Wade: Down here. Category:Transcripts